Searching
by fireheartmatilda
Summary: Bella is a vampire. A vampire who has been alive since 1901. And since 1918, she has been alone, because she couldn't face witnessing the love of mates, knowing that she had lost her own when she was still human. The pain never left. But when she moves to Forks and meets a family of vampires unlike any she has ever encountered, what will change?
1. Chapter 1

It was the first week of school, and I had moved. Again. You would think living forever would make things interesting, but when you had to redo high school over and over again, just to maintain a cover story, it made things especially boring. I had moved to Forks, Washington, two days ago and had spent most of the time decorating my new house. I didn't have very many things that I had kept with me, mostly due to my having to move every couple of years, but I kept the main things. There were some photos, of people I had encountered over my life, and just one of my human life. My wedding picture. I kept that one in a chest, not wanting to look at it too often. It just hurt. The other pictures I kept around my house, smiling at the memories they reminded me of. Travelling alone as a vampire was lonely but it was better when I remembered the friends I had made along the way. Aside from clothes, the only other thing that I made sure I brought with me was my violin. My beautiful, beautiful violin. It was my most treasured possession and after one hundred years, it had required servicing more than once, but I would not get a new one. This one meant to much. My last gift from him.

I tried to push these thoughts from my mind as I walked into my new school. It would be the same, I realised, as the whispers started. Longing from some, jealousy from others. I sighed at the predictability of people. I had almost taken a few years off to travel, but I had decided to put it off for a year or two, so that I could plan properly. I could try to catch up with a few of my friends in Europe, or do charity work in South America like I had the last time. All of these thoughts were a good distraction from the students and the blood around me. After over one hundred years of being a vampire, my control was nearly perfect, but I didn't want to test it. I had come so close to killing humans before, but I never had, not yet. I didn't intend to change that status any time soon. There was a forest behind my small house and I had hunted all of the previous night in preparation for today.

The day passed slowly, as I moved from class to class, ignoring the blatant stares of many students, and politely declining the attempts of a certain Mike Newton to charm me into a date. There was a nice girl, with dark hair and glasses, called Angela, and she seemed friendly, if a little shy. She reminded me a little of a friend I had had when I was human. Though my memories were blurry, there were some things I hadn't forgotten and the image of my childhood friend, Helen, stayed with me, even if I remembered so little about her. She had helped, after… I stopped again, not wanting to go down that route, especially not at school, and tuned into whatever the teacher was telling me. It was all stuff I had learned before, but I tried to pay attention, wondering about the lives of the people around me. After all of my years as a vampire, the lives of humans fascinated me. Some were an open book, some were closed up, and some told you more than you wanted to know before you even asked. The maths teacher dismissed us, and I stood, grabbing my bag from beside me and putting my books inside, before following Angela and a boy called Eric, to the cafeteria.

When I arrived, I moved to the salad bar, with the intention of buying food, at least to keep up appearances, but I was intercepted before I reached it. Before I knew what was happening, someone was hugging me tightly, squeezing me in their arms. There were things about it that just weren't right: no heartbeat; no bloodlust; no warmth; their tight grip. My brain could hardly keep up with everything my body was telling me, however, until the small figure leaned back and grinned up at me, her golden eyes sparkling with excitement. Vampire.

Instinctively, I stepped back, and I'm sure that my shock showed on my face, but the small, dark-haired girl didn't seem to mind at all, still smiling broadly at me. I had hardly interacted with any vampires in my life, travelling around alone, but I knew one thing. If their eyes were golden, like mine, then they were not the ordinary vampires that you come across. Vegetarian. I didn't know quite what to think, or what to do, but it appeared I didn't have to do anything, since the girl had already slipped her arm through mine and was half dragging me through the cafeteria. After spending so much time with humans, I was shocked by the strength of her pull, looking at her as she spoke, seemingly excited. "Bella, it's so brilliant to finally meet you." Finally? What did that even mean? Had she somehow heard of me? And where was she taking me? Before I could even rattle off the list of questions my head was filling with, we had reached a table in the back of the cafeteria, and I was looking down at three other vampires, who were all staring right back at me.

I couldn't move, I could hardly think, as I looked between the four vampires, the one who had greeted me, having sat down in a seat, and now looked up at me like the others. She waited a moment, before pulling out the seat next to her, trying to give me a hint. "Come on, Bella. Sit down, why don't you?" She said, and there was no threat in her voice, nothing that made me feel as though I should run and not look back. Instead, her voice was excited, and expectant, but I still didn't move, staring at them all. They began to talk amongst themselves.

"See Alice, I told you not to do anything to startle her. She doesn't even know you." The stunning blonde hissed to the small, pixie-like one who I assumed was Alice. Alice didn't seem bothered, smiling up at me happily.

"But she will," she said, in a sing-song voice. The boy beside her was blonde, and staring at me intently, before moving his gaze to the others.

"She's just confused, and shocked, and scared. Shouldn't be a threat." A threat? How could I threaten them? If anything, they would threaten me, since there are four of them and one of me. And how did he seem to know exactly what I was feeling.

"I could have told you that." Alice said again, looking to them all with a hint of frustration in her tone, as if she didn't like being questioned. The blonde male pecked her on the cheek quickly.

"I know," he replied. I wonder how they knew. Did they really all just trust her judgement that much?

"Do you recon she's a mute?" The muscly one, with dark curly hair, looked up at me, eyeing me like a shiny new toy on Christmas, excitement and anticipation in his stare.

It was his question that broke me out of my current state of shock, and I realised I was drawing attention to myself from other areas of the cafeteria as well. Ducking my head, I sat quickly in the chair that Alice had pulled out, and they quieted once more. I kept my eyes down.

"No, I am not a mute. Who are you?" I looked around the table again, and met each of their golden gazes, waiting for their explanations. I was still so confused, both by their responses to me, and by their being here at all. Never, in all my years, had I encountered another like me, another living off animal blood, and never did I think I would find four of them, in a high school. They looked between each other, but it was the first one to have greeted me who began.

"We're the Cullens, and we live in the area, with a permanent residency nearby." I looked shocked, ignoring the vague familiarity of the name, and wondering how they managed to escape the human notice if they didn't age. The blonde male sat beside her seemed to sense my confusion as he explained.

"We only moved back half a year ago." I nodded, trying to look not completely overwhelmed and I felt a sense of calm seem to wash over me.

"I'm Alice, by the way, and this is my mate, Jasper." She nodded to the man beside her, and I offered a shy smile and he gave me a polite nod.

"Jasper Whitlock, ma'am." His voice sounded slightly Southern, and I wondered where exactly he came from, or when. In fact, the same went for all of them. Snapping me out of my thoughts, Alice continued.

"That's Rosalie," she nodded to the blonde, who gave me an evaluative look that made me duck my head again, "and that's her mate, Emmett." Emmett supplied me with a broad grin.

"And you must be Bella. Alice has been talking about you all morning." I frowned at that, despite his friendly tone, and turned to Alice.

"What does that mean? And how did you know who I was before I introduced myself?" I asked, resulting in some quiet laughter from around the table.

"I see the future." She said it so simply, as if it wasn't supposed to shock me, and I fought to keep my mouth from dropping open at the calm revelation of her gift. Naturally, I had encountered other vampires with gifts before, but never this. She smiled smugly at my reaction and I realised I had been staring. Looking down to my hands, I knew that had I been human, I would have been blushing furiously. I didn't know quite what to say. Everything was happening so fast, and it had been almost twenty years since I had properly interacted with someone who knew what I was.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce yourself?" Emmett asked, and he almost looked as excited at Alice, bouncing his knee and causing the whole table to shake. Beside him, Rosalie rested a hand on his leg, and he seemed to calm down. I moved my eyes quickly away from them. Mates. This was the reason I stayed on my own, because it was easier than watching what I could never have.

Instead of relaying these thoughts, I lifted my head to look at them all again.

"I am Bella Swan." I didn't know what else to say, and looked around at them, as the fear returned. "Look, I promise I'm not going to hurt anyone, and I wouldn't have come if I had known there was already a coven here. I can leave by the end of the week, I swear." My ramblings were quick and quiet, to ensure the humans didn't hear, and I watched as they looked between each other and then back to me. It was Jasper who responded.

"Bella, why would you have to leave?" His question made relief fall over me, but I still didn't understand. "We can tell from your eyes that you're like us, and both Alice and I can confirm that you're not a threat." The explanation made sense, except one part.

"Wait, Alice and you? Can you see the future too?" I frowned. I had never encountered two vampires with the same gift before, especially not mated ones. Jasper shook his head, smiling to me, and my confusion seemed to ebb away, a comfortable feeling coming over me.

"No, Bella. My gift is emotional manipulation. I can feel the emotions of others and I can alter them." Suddenly the calm feelings that had come over me seemed to make a lot more sense, but I couldn't bring myself to worry about it. He was controlling them, my emotions. It was fascinating really, and I had never encountered anything quite like it. "Do you have a gift of your own?" He asked, and I gave a smile, feeling my ability flicker in recognition, and keeping a firm hold on it.

"Yes, I can…" I paused, unable to fully explain it. "I guess in simple terms, I'm an illusionist. I can create images and illusions, but it looks real." I trailed off, still not sure I was explaining it right. Alice grabbed my hand in hers to gain my attention.

"Show us." She commanded, and I laughed a little, looking around the crowded room.

"Maybe not right here." She looked around as well, and disappointment clouded her features, but she nodded in agreement. "Later," I promised, smiling at her. The second I said it, her eyes seemed to cloud over, and her blank gaze moved to the table, her lithe form stiffening. "Alice!" I exclaimed, worried immediately, and looking around for the reactions of the group, but they looked amused, not concerned, making me confused. Alice seemed to recover, and Jasper took her hand in his.

"Don't worry, Bella. That's what happens when she has a vision." I relaxed, and gave smiled in relief, before becoming concerned for the amount of worry I had over this girl I had only just met. "What did you see, Alice?" Jasper asked, and she grinned at me.

"I saw Bella show us her gift. It's awesome." I laughed a little at her enthusiasm, and felt a little glad that she approved of my gift, especially when she had such a powerful one herself. Emmett leaned forwards in his seat, smiling easily at me.

"So, Bella, how did it all happen?" I knew immediately to what Emmett was referring, and stiffened, forcing the memories away. "Do you have a story?" I worked to keep my voice steady.

"Not one that I am in the habit of sharing." I was sure they could hear the slight shake in my voice, and the tension in my form, but I focussed instead on keeping the memories inside. It wouldn't do to have my own gift appear in front of the whole student body.

"That's fine." I looked up, surprised to find that it was Rosalie who had spoken, something like understanding and sympathy in her gaze. "What about your coven, then? What are they like?" I gave a shrug, smiling a little at the turn in conversation.

"I haven't got one, it's just me." The statement sounded nonchalant, and I had gotten used to being on my own, but there was a short stab of pain as I thought about how long I had been alone, before any of this. Alice, however, gave a little squeal as if this was the best news she had heard all day, her voice still excited, and I wonder if she had seen something that made her especially enthusiastic.

"Oh Bella, this is going to be brilliant. You'll love our family, I can just see it." I didn't want to crush her hopes but something about her phrasing made me hesitant. It was as though she expected me to join. Just because I didn't have a coven of my own, it didn't mean I wanted to join one. I wasn't meant to have a family, I knew that. I had known that for a long time.

"Alice, I'm not really the family type. Really, I'll just get out of your hair." I grabbed my bag from where I had put it down and made to stand up, but Alice was holding the sleeve of my jacket, looking confused and hurt.

"Please, I didn't mean to freak you out. I do that sometimes, when I forget not everyone has seen everything that I have. Just don't leave yet." Unable to say no to her apologetic expression, I sat back down in my seat, feeling a strangely strong connection to the girl I had met only a few minutes ago.

"Well, what about you? Tell me about your lives here." I smiled to them, trying to convince them that I wasn't going to run, and they all smiled back. Somehow, I felt that things had just become a whole lot more exciting.

We spent the rest of lunch talking and joking, and I felt completely at ease around these people I had only just met. They were all so welcoming, acting as if I was an old friend that they had been reunited with, as opposed to someone they knew nothing about. They described their mother and father, and I couldn't help but be shocked at the familial structure of their coven. I had never come across anything quite like it, but it quickly became evident to me that they were siblings, in everything but blood, with the way that they joked around each other, speaking with such fondness and familiarity. They had another sibling, apparently, who had stayed home from school for a few days to hunt, but they mostly steered the conversation instead, to the places I had been these past years, and where I was planning to stay in Forks.

"I'm renting a small cottage on the edge of town," I explained, and Alice grinned smugly.

"Not for long." She grinned, and my eyes widened at her, realising what she was implying. She had clearly had some vision of me living with them. This whole future seeing thing was something I was unsure about, especially since Alice seemed determined that I would become closer with their family, and I had no experience with such things. Noting my reaction to her announcement, she covered her mouth with her hands for a moment, and Rosalie scolded her.

"Alice." She reprimanded her sister, but I just gave her a nervous smile, and Alice bit her lip, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Oops," she whispered, and I couldn't help but laugh. When the bell rang, it felt like I had known these people a lot longer than just an hour, and I didn't want to leave that small lunch table. Maybe it would be nice to spend some time with other vampires like me whilst I was in Forks. I would only be here for a few years, anyway, but I couldn't deny the attachment I already felt to these people. As we stood, to make our way to class, Alice moved to my side, looping her arm through mine once more, as she had to lead me to the table, and smiling up at me smugly. "We have our next class together," she chirped happily, and I couldn't bring myself to be anything but excited.

Alice was truly one of the nicest people I had ever met. We continued to talk throughout Chemistry, speaking in voices low enough that no one else could hear, though our laughter often drew attention as we tried to stifle our giggles. I hadn't done anything close to giggling in years, and now there was this bright, bubbly vampire I had only met, making me shake in my seat because I was laughing so hard. We spoke about anything and everything, and I quickly discovered Alice's passion for fashion, and was glad that I had chosen to wear one of my nicer outfits today, if only because it was the first thing that I found after the shower to get the forest dirt out of my hair, from my hunting trip. When I cited the grievance of replacing clothes after they got dirty whilst hunting, she went into full teacher mode.

"Bella!" She sounded truly shocked. "Clothes are not made to be worn more than once." Her voice was disciplining, like a teacher telling a child that they shouldn't pull other children's hair, or say bad words, and I laughed a little incredulously.

"Alice, that's ridiculous. I can't afford to buy new clothes every day." Alice rolled her eyes at that.

"Bella, you're a vampire." She stated it so simply, like it was a fix for any financial situation. As far as I knew, being a vampire didn't come with endless supplies of money.

"Yes, but I also look 18, so it's hardly like I can get many high-income jobs. Plus, having to move every few years costs real money." Alice genuinely looked confused now.

"Yes, but can't you just…" She trailed off, clearly unsure. I just laughed a little.

"I guess things are easier when the stock market is something you can predict." She laughed a little, and laughed humbly.

"I never really thought about it. Our father is a doctor, so we've always had that too, and my sight tends to make things easier." I shrugged, not offended at all that Alice had assumed I had money because I was a vampire. It wasn't as though I was particularly envious, since I didn't need to buy anything anyway. We moved on, my mind wandering to the topic of her father's work, wondering how he maintained such control as a doctor. After that, I wanted to hear more about her family, and this was a topic that Alice didn't mind discussing at all, her love coming through in her words.

"Me and Jazz were the latecomers to the family. I saw him coming, naturally, and we met in a diner, before falling in love and moving across the country together, in search of the family that I had seen us finding. Once I see a future, it's hard not to become impatient to bring it into reality." I laughed at that, nudging her a little, already knowing how true this was. "We met up with them all about fifty years ago, but I think they were all a little surprised to meet us, especially since I knew exactly who they were, and exactly how close we were going to be. Edward was probably the most surprised, after coming home to find all of his stuff moved into the garage." She looked to me with amusement in her eyes, giving an innocent shrug. "I knew he would be ok with it, and he had the best room." I laughed, but it was strained, and I tried to push away the twist of pain at the name she had mentioned, focussed instead on how utterly Alice this story was. She continued to tell me about her family, talking about Carlisle's compassion, and Esme's love for all of her children. I could tell she wanted me to meet them, and as she continued to tell me about them, I couldn't deny that it seemed like a tempting proposal, thought I retained my doubts, knowing the dangers of becoming too close with people. Still, every smile and small pout from Alice was wearing down my barriers and I was pretty sure she knew it too.

When chemistry was over, I walked out, still talking to Alice, before realising she had paused by the door, and was looking exceptionally put out.

"What is it?" I asked, a little confused by the change in mood. She shook her head, and gave a sad shrug.

"We haven't got our next class together." I laughed a little at her overreaction, and was sure she was exaggerating, but she seemed genuine, and so I pulled her into a quick hug. The second I did it, I pulled away, rubbing my neck with my hand, and looking down at my shoes. I had only just met Alice, and I was already hugging her like we were best friends. I couldn't help but feel a little awkward, but when I looked up again, Alice's beam had returned, and it made me smile a little too.

"Well, I'll see you later Alice." I smiled to her again, before turning to find my way to gym, following the sounds I could tune into.

I had never enjoyed sports, since I had been especially clumsy as a human, making any activity impossible without making a fool of myself, but with my vampire grace and ease, the main problem was the outfits. My looks already caused enough awkward problems, and at high school, they had for some reason decided to dress us in tight shorts and gym tops, leading to some uncomfortable staring and reactions. I was born when it was improper for a lady to show her ankles, let alone the entire length of her legs, and whilst I had moved on with the times, it hadn't left me entirely lacking the ideals that I was brought up with. No, gym was not my favourite. When I reached the changing rooms, the Coach smiled, a little creepily, causing me to inwardly shudder, and he handed me some gym clothes to borrow for the day. When I moved into the changing room, his stare was replaced with the stares of the entire changing room. I moved quickly to a corner, and tried to go unnoticed, but I could still feel the looks, and hear the whispers.

_You just know she's a slag. _That one wasn't especially unique, so it had lost its sting a long time ago. If I had a penny for every time someone called me a slag or a whore, or anything relatively similar, then I would be as rich as Alice.

_I hear she already caused three break-ups. _That one just made me sad, and I felt bad for the people who had been dating those who would break up with them just for a chance with me. They deserved better than people who didn't value them.

_Did you see the guys drooling over her? It's disgusting. I bet she loves it._ I certainly didn't love it.

_I hear she got knocked up at her last school, and that's why she moved, after the abortion. _That one hit its mark, however, and my hand moved instinctively to my stomach. I had wanted all of that, once. To be a mother, and have a family, and not just because it was expected of me. I would have loved to have a child, but that became impossible for me a long time ago, even before the transformation. How can you have a child when there is no one to have the child with? The thoughts were too much, and I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths that I didn't need but that calmed me anyway.

I opened my eyes when I heard someone drop their bag down beside mine on the bench, and I was surprised to see Rosalie there, glaring at the girls who had made the last comment, before moving her gaze to me. At lunch, out of all of the siblings, Rosalie had been the most resigned, sitting back, and staring at me with that intimidating stare, as though she was measuring me up. Now, though, her gaze was full of comfort, and sympathy and understanding, though she didn't say anything as she continued to change. I wondered, perhaps, if she herself had problems with the limitations of the life we led, and the chances that had been taken away from us. I didn't want to ask, because I knew I wouldn't want to be asked. I just kept changing.

"Thank you," I murmured, and felt her head snap up to look at me, but I didn't look back, waiting to see if she would remain silent or start a conversation. Somehow, I didn't believe she was as chatty as her sister.

"I'm glad to see you survived the last hour." She said after a moment, a small smile, and I took it as a sign that she was open to conversation, as confused as I was at her statement.

"What?" She chuckled a little, as we both moved through to the gymnasium.

"Alice can be a little much to handle." I joined in her laughter, and was about to reply when a booming voice joined our conversation.

"A little much? She's like a five-year-old on Christmas morning, only all the time." I looked up to see that as we had walked into the gym, the boys had filed in as well, and Emmett was walking over, a big grin on his face, as he wrapped an arm around Rosalie. She only rolled her eyes.

"You can't really speak, Emmett." She said, making me laugh more, and I knew that Emmett was likely just as bad as Alice, most of the time. Emmett just placed his hand on his chest, his face the picture of mock-outrage.

"What? Me? I can't believe you would say something like that. I'm as cool as a cucumber." I raised my eyebrows, pointedly at him.

"Really?" I asked, incredulity heavy in my tone, and Emmett gave a defeated grin. I had a feeling he grinned a lot.

"Nope, you're right Bellsy." He gave in, and I was about to laugh, when I picked up on the name.

"Bellsy?" Rosalie mouthed 'I'm sorry' as Emmett just came over, draping an arm over my shoulders, looking deep in thought.

"I think so. I might need to experiment with a few other names before I settle on one though." I groaned slightly, ignoring the small thrill I felt at being close enough to people again to require a nickname, and Emmett began to list off his potential nicknames for me. "Bellarina, Bella-ella, the Bells-master…" I groaned again, and Rosalie joined me this time, at the utter absurdity that was Emmett, but before I could oppose any specific name, the Couch was calling our attention and splitting us into teams for basketball.

Apparently, he understood that having Rosalie and Emmett on the same team was a bad idea, and with them being mates, I was pretty sure I knew the reason. When I was put on Emmett's team, he grinned like he won an award, and pulled me under his arm in such a friendly way, you would think he'd known me for years. You couldn't help but love Emmett, and throughout the game, he regularly thought it amusing to sling me over his back, so I could shoot that way, and then run around the court with me in celebratory dance. I begged him to stop, feeling ever stare and hearing every whisper, but nothing could restrain Emmett, a lesson that the coach had apparently learned a long time ago, since he made no effort to stop Emmett's escapades. Rosalie, however, was becoming annoyed by all the unwanted attention her mate was receiving and the spectacle he was making of himself, so after our third victory dance, she pulled him aside, hissing words about human suspicion, but I could tell she just didn't like the way that her mate was being eyed up by some of the females. I didn't blame her; some of the women looked ready to jump Emmett here and now.

Side-tracked by trying to avoid the stares of people, who had been amused by Emmett's antics, I barely noticed Mike Newton approach my side. Barely. It was impossible, I was sure even for a human, not to be aware of his heavy breathing, and slightly irritating presence. It wasn't that I had a problem with him, he actually seemed nice, but I wish he would stop staring at me with emotions in his eyes that made me quickly avert my gaze elsewhere.

"I didn't realise that you knew the Cullens." He commented, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Of course, you wouldn't know that, since we have only had two conversations. Not that I did know the Cullens before today. I just shrugged a little, and turned my attention back to the game that had started. Mike was persistent, however. "I guess it's just because they don't really talk to people, much." Yes, I wanted to snap, because you're human and they don't become close with humans because they're vampires. Instead of blurting this out, I just smiled.

"They don't seem that bad to me." That was an understatement, but I kept that to myself, once more, trying to turn away from the conversation, when Mike spoke again, his voice sounding a little desperate this time.

"I just don't really think you're like them." He blurted out, and I turned to look at him, inquiringly, worried for a moment that he knew the truth. The minute I saw him, though, I knew that I had nothing to concern myself over. "I mean that I think you would be better suited in a different crowd." Like right by your side, I mused to myself, understanding that Mike's aversion to the Cullens was mostly due to him wanting me to hang out with his own group. I had seen him sitting with Angela at lunch, and couldn't deny that I found her nice, and would like to be friends with her, but somehow, I doubted that Mike Newton really wanted to be friends. Pursing my lips a little, I gave him a tight smile.

"I think I'm with a fine crowd. Besides, it's not like sitting with them at lunch once means I'm automatically stating my territory." Mike's expression seemed to clear a bit.

"Ok." He said, and waited a moment, searching for something else to say. "Good."

After that, at least, he let me get back to the game, though he stuck by my side, which I didn't appreciate. Rosalie and Emmett appeared, however, looking somewhat amused, likely at my conversation with Mike Newton, and rescued me, chatting and laughing with me until the game was over. Rosalie didn't let Mike near my side again for the entire game, and when I asked her why, she just shrugged.

"I didn't like the way he was looking at you." Even though she passed it off, the fact that her protective nature had extended to me, however briefly, made me smile widely. Emmett seemed a little less cheery than he had before as we walked out of gym and made our way to the parking lot, his eyes sad when he looked at me, and finally I got up the courage to ask him why.

"Emmett, is there something wrong?" I asked, finally giving in to his lost puppy expression, and he looked relieved that I'd finally asked, though he let out a sad sigh. Yes, he appeared to have a lot in common with his younger sister.

"It's just something you said to Newton." He paused, looking away for a moment, and I just waited for him to finish explaining. "You said that you only sat with us at lunch this one day. Does that mean you won't sit with us tomorrow?" I felt happiness burst within me at the fact that he would be upset over something like that, and I couldn't help smiling.

"Emmett, I will sit with you tomorrow." I paused a second, looking between him and Rosalie. "That is, if I'm welcome." Rosalie simply rolled her eyes.

"Duh." She said, and that one sound made me smile all over again. The fact that it should have been assumed that I would be spending time with them. Unlike his mate, Emmett's reaction was exuberant, as he spun me round, wrapping his arm around me once he had set me down, and grinned down at me. After all this, though, he put on a nonchalant expression, and gave a shrug.

"I guess it would be fine." I laughed out loud, as did Rosalie, and Emmett joined in after a moment, and the sound of my own laughter still surprised me, reminding me of how long I had spent, not truly alone, but without real people to talk to, and share my life with.

We were still laughing when we walked into the parking lot, and for the second time that day, Alice ran up to me, pulling me out of Emmett's arms and hugging me tightly, squealing.

"Bella!" I returned the embrace, laughing at her enthusiasm, and she kept a hand around me as she pulled back, smiling brightly. Jasper walked up behind her, shaking his head a little, smiling at his wife.

"You should get a leash for her," Rosalie quipped to Jasper, who just looked between her a Emmett.

"Yours is no better," he responded, and Rosalie frowned. Emmett and Alice, however, seemed completely unaffected by these comments, making me think that this happened regularly. I couldn't imagine trying to contain both Emmett and Alice under one roof. Alice was still smiling widely me, in a way that made me a little nervous.

"What, Alice?" I asked, biting my lip, a habit that even becoming a vampire hadn't altered. I had spent so long trying to pick up human habits so I could blend in, that I think I did the job a little too well, creating some bad habits for myself. Alice was practically bouncing up and down at this point.

"You're coming to our house," she exclaimed excitedly. I opened my mouth to protest, but Alice got there first. "Don't bother arguing. I've already seen it, and I'm going to win, after convincing you that seeing our house and meeting the rest of our family can't actually do any harm." Her tone was so definite that I felt my will slipping away from me.

"There's not a chance of me getting out of it, is there?" I looked around at the group, and they all shook their heads at me, so I turned back to Alice, who was smiling triumphantly. I could feel my doubts slipping away, being replaced by slight excitement, and I found myself realising that I didn't want to go back to my empty house. I wanted to know these people, more than I had realised before.

"Ok, let's go." Alice grinned fully, and the rest of the group smiled as well. It wasn't until Emmett was leading me over to his jeep that I recognised the last minute for what it was. "Jasper, that's not fair with the whole mood control thing." I said, and he just smiled guiltily.

"Sorry, Bella." I smiled, climbing into the car, because even if it had taken a fortune seeing pixie and her empath mate to get me to agree, I was a little excited, and this time it was all me. I was spending time with vampires, for the first time in such a long time, and this time they were vampires like me. Vampires with a true value for human life, and people who treated me like I belonged, even when I had only just met them. And the crazier thing was that I wanted to belong. Shaking away these thoughts, I tried to focus on the present, making the most of the time I had. This didn't have to mean anything, I resolved, and tuned into the story Emmett was telling, realising he was recounting Mike Newton's warnings to me about the Cullens, and I had to chuckle.

I barely noticed the length of the car journey, laughing with Jasper as we tried to contain Alice in the backseat with us, something made infinitely harder when Emmett decided to put music on. All of the siblings seemed genuinely shocked by Rosalie's acceptance of me, but when Alice mentioned it, with raised eyebrows at her sister, Rosalie just frowned at her.

"What's that supposed to mean? Why can't I be friends with Bella?" I too, was confused by Alice's statement, looking to her.

"It's not that you can't," she remedied, shrugging. "It's just that I didn't expect you to be."

"Why not?" I asked, wondering if it was something about me that made her think Rosalie wouldn't get on with me. Sensing my worry, Jasper shook his head at me.

"It's not you, Bella. It's just that Rosalie tends to take some time to warm up to people." Rosalie huffed with indignation, snapping her head to her siblings, looking angry.

"That's not true!" Alice and Jasper just exchanged a knowing look.

"You took almost an entire year to talk to me properly, and even longer for Jazz. Plus, Edward says it was almost a decade before you started to show the slightest sign of not hating him." That name made my stomach twist again, and Jasper looked at me with curiosity and concern, likely at the spark of emotion, so I worked to calm myself. Rosalie seemed irritated again.

"Yes, well I was a newborn, so it doesn't count. And you and Jazz were…" she trailed off for a moment, trying to find some excuse for her apparently hostile welcome of her siblings, but gave up. "Fine, so maybe I didn't become besties straight away, but we're close now." Alice nodded, giving her sister a smile.

"Of course we are, Rose." Rosalie seemed to relax a little, but still wanted to defend herself.

"Plus, I'm friends with Bella now, and we only just met." I tried not to let how much her comment had affected me show, even though I knew Jasper could feel my joy at Rosalie's statement. I just gave her a shy smile, which she returned, looking even more beautiful as she properly smiled, before facing the front once more. Emmett leaned over from the driver's seat and gave his mate a chaste kiss, not bothering to watch the road at all, since it wasn't necessary.

"You're totally wrong, anyway, Ali. She fell in love with me right away." Rosalie rolled her eyes, but all annoyance left her gaze, and she smiled at her mate. Quickly, I averted my gaze, avoiding the draw of mates. It brought back too many memories of my own.

In what felt like no time at all, the road had veered away into the woods, a forest emerging around us, and I wondered quite where it was that this large coven lived together. I understood the desire to be far from town, as well as the pull of the woods, since it made hunting easier, but what kind of house could they have really found out here? It turns out, I didn't have to wait very long to find out the answer to that question, and only moments later, we were pulling up a large drive towards one of the most beautiful buildings I had ever seen. My expression clearly told them enough about my reaction to the huge white house, as I stared up at it, gobsmacked, admiring it with an architect's gaze, it being one of my long-term interests that occupied my time alone. Emmett laughed at my awed expression, and jumped quickly out of the car, running around to pull Rosalie down from the other side of the jeep, spinning her around, before walking with her to the front door, and leaving it wide open. Alice hopped out of the car, and held out a hand, which I took, allowing her to lead me into the house, Jasper following close behind, smiling at me reassuringly. I was all kinds of nervous, for some reason, and I could feel him trying to calm me. Would the other vampires be ok with my presence here?

I didn't have the time to worry for long, because as we stepped into the large foyer, I found Emmett and Rosalie stood there waiting, a beautiful woman with caramel coloured waves of soft hair, and a loving expression on her face. The minute I walked in, her eyes went to me, and she gave me a kind smile, before stepping forward and giving me a quick embrace. Something about it reminded me of the way my own mother had hugged me when I had been human, and I leant into her touch, unable to not smile back shyly at her, as she drew away.

"Hello, I'm Esme. It's so nice to meet you." I opened my mouth to introduce myself, but Alice interrupted, smiling brightly at her mother.

"Where is everyone? I want them all to meet our new si…friend." We all heard her hesitate before the word 'friend', as she seemed to fight the urge to call me something else, and I was curious as to what it was, but I couldn't ask, because Esme was already reprimanding Alice.

"Alice, let our guest introduce herself before you butt in." She scolded, but the affection in her tone was so clear, and Alice gave an apologetic shrug.

"Sorry, Esme," she sang. "I thought it would be easier for her to introduce herself to everyone at the same time. Are they here?"

Esme gave a nod, and called out for the others to join us, but I was less curious as to who these others were, since my attention was on Alice, who seemed to have completely blanked the minute Esme had nodded, stiffening beside me, and her gaze turned empty. Jasper looked concerned by whatever she was feeling, and moved beside her, putting an arm around her, as she snapped out of what she was seeing. Her eyes snapped to me, but there was none of the enthusiasm that had been there a second ago. It had been replaced by disbelief, and confusion, and something else, but I couldn't ask, because her attention then snapped to Esme, who was calling for two others to come and meet me properly, and Alice's gaze filled with panic. "No. Don't." She whispered, so quietly that I wouldn't have heard her without my vampire hearing, but I did, and my head snapped to her, confused by her change in attitude, and wondering what she could have seen to make her like this. Jasper looked at his mate with concern, and confusion, not knowing what was troubling her.

"Alice, what is it?" I asked, panic in my voice, because she seemed so worried. I didn't have time to hear the response, though, because another voice cut through the room. A voice I never thought I would hear again. A voice that shouldn't exist anymore, let alone here.

"Isabella?" My head snapped to the direction of the voice and I froze. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything but stare. Because it was him. He was here. The thought wasn't right. It wasn't real. I checked my own gift, ensuring I hadn't conjured the illusion of him the way I had so many times before. But this wasn't me. This was him. Really him. The silence stretched on as we stared at each other, and I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't think past his presence.

"Do you two know each other?" Someone asked the question. It could have been Rosalie, or Emmett or Esme. I didn't know. I had lost all feeling, no longer aware of my hand, limp in Alice's. He broke first, and his voice rang out as he continued to hold my gaze.

"This is Isabella." His voice. His beautiful voice. So different now. But it was him. It was Edward. My Edward. "My wife." He finished, and the world shattered around me.


	2. Chapter 2

**I absolutely love writing this story, especially the flashback chapter. Lots of you were worried that Edward will be with someone else, but I love Edward and Bella too much to make that happen. There will certainly be some other problems though...Anyway, please review because it motivates me to write faster! Hope you enjoy!**

. . .

1918

I met Edward Masen when I was sixteen years old, and he was the love of my life. We first met at a ball, and I remember how miserable I had been. My parents had forced me to go, making me dress up and stand on display the entire evening, and I hadn't been asked to dance once. Until Edward Masen came along. He bowed deeply to me, and I curtseyed in return, smiling at him shyly as we danced. He enchanted me; it wasn't just his good looks, or his crooked smile, it was everything. His gentle hold as we danced and his sparkling conversation, I had never felt so at ease with someone. When the ball was over, I prayed we would never have to leave, and that I could continue to talk with him forever, but it was impossible. I would never see him again and there was nothing I could do. That was what I had thought, but I had been so wrong. The Masens were quick to contact my family, and just a week later, Edward and I took a chaperoned walk in the park, my arm linked through his, and he didn't take his eyes off me for a moment. Everything happened so quickly from there onwards; there were the walks in the park, ice tea on the porch, the dinner parties with our families, where he would play his piano for me, writing pieces so beautiful they took my breath away. And it took so little time before I fell hopelessly and irrevocably in love with him. And now, nine months after our first meeting, it was the night before our wedding.

Lying in my bed, I stared up at the ceiling, my stomach doing somersaults. There was no way that I could sleep tonight, not with my heart beating so fast I thought it would fall out of my chest. I had wished mother and father goodnight hours ago, before returning to my bedchamber to undress. It was the last night I would live under this roof, with my parents, for after our wedding, Edward and I would move in with his parents, until he turned eighteen in a few months time. I couldn't contain my excitement. I had been born to love Edward Masen, and now I wanted to start our lives together. I wanted to spend evenings listening to his beautiful piano melodies and sit together, as close as only married couples were allowed to. I would love him until I took my final breath. This was a certainty.

My thoughts of our love story were interrupted by a sharp rap coming from the window. It sounded as though someone was knocking, but I knew that to be impossible since my room was on the second floor of the Swan residence. We were not as rich as many families, but our house was quite large and there was no way for someone to scale the wall. The rap came again, and made me jump from my bed, pulling my dark blue silk robe around me as I moved to the window, pulling back the lace curtains, and pushing the window open, leaning out a little to see what was making the noise. That was when I saw him, standing in the garden, a few pebbles in hand, smiling up at me in a way that took my breath away.

"Edward, what are you doing here? If you're caught, you'll be hauled off the property." I whispered hurriedly down to him, glancing behind me to ensue neither of my parents were going to come in whilst my head was poking out of the window. Edward just smiled.

"It's worth the risk. I needed to see you, love." My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his pet name for me and I rolled my eyes a little at his dramatics, though I had to admit, I had been pining to see him also.

"You are a ridiculous man, Edward Anthony Masen." He just grinned again.

"That is why you love me, Isabella Marie Swan." It was true, and I laughed quietly, earing myself a heart melting smile in return. "I love your laugh." I smiled again, before glancing quickly over my shoulder once more. This wasn't proper, especially not the night before our wedding. I also became very aware that I was stood only in my nightgown and robe, and pulled the robe around me a little tighter, though I couldn't bring myself to care, as I looked down at the man on the ground below me, and knew that he was mine.

"I love you." I whispered down to him, and his expression turned serious.

"As I love you." There was a bang from somewhere else in the garden, making me jump out of my skin as I searched for the source of the sound, and Edward's expression turned impish as he ran from the garden, blowing me a kiss over his shoulder. I couldn't hold in my laugh as I closed the window, as quietly as I could, and climbed back into bed. This time I slept, and I dreamt of the boy in the garden, smiling up at me.

When I awoke on the morning of my wedding, there were no nerves. I had no need to be nervous, because this was the day that Edward officially became mine and that was all I wanted. I wanted to start our lives together, and after today, we could. My mother came to help me get ready, pulling my dark hair into an intricate bun, and leaving strands to frame my face. She applied a little make-up, making my eyes look bigger, and lips look pinker, and then she helped me into my dress. It was long, with long silk sleeves, and a lace bodice. Finally, she pulled on my veil and I was ready. Ready for my wedding. Ready to marry Edward Masen. The trip to the church was short, but it felt like forever, as I waited impatiently, my mother and father sat with me, holding a hand each to keep me calm. Then we had reached the church. My best friend, Helen, was my only bridesmaid, and she kissed my cheek quickly, tears in her eyes, before she walked down the aisle, ahead of me. Gripping onto my father's arm, I steadied myself, and I walked into the church.

The second I stepped into the church, I felt my cheeks heat as all heads turned towards me, and I wished they would look away. I knew the wish was irrational – it was my wedding, of course they would watch me walk down the aisle – but I was embarrassed all the same, and my hold on my father's arm tightened slightly, as I looked up to him.

"Don't let me fall, dad." I whispered, and I heard him sniff a little, before clearing his throat and responding in a low and quiet voice.

"Never, Bells." And so, we walked, and my eyes dared to look up from the floor, when they found him. My Edward, stood at the end of the aisle, his green sparkling eyes fixed on my as he smiled wider than I had ever seen him. The love in his gaze made me want to sprint down the rest of the aisle and throw myself into his arms, but I couldn't, my arm still on my father's, and so I settled for smiling back, trying to convey all the love I felt for him, in that one look. The aisle felt too long, but finally we were at the end, and my father turned me towards him, gently pulling back my veil and placing it over my hair, before kissing my cheek and placing my hand in Edward's. Just his tough made me smile wider, as I felt the electricity running between us, and his eyes never left mine. Not once, throughout the service, as we recited the words that would forever bind us together. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. For better or for worse. And then he pronounced it, the words I had been longing to hear since they moment we danced together at the ball.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." My heart soared, as a feeling of pure joy swept over me, and I leaned up as Edward brushed his lips against mine for a moment, no show in front of our families, but his forehead remained resting against mine, our eyes closed as we held each other.

"I love you, Isabella."

"I love you, Edward."

The rest of the day was spent thanking people for their congratulations, consoling my crying mother, and holding onto Edward's hand for as long as I possibly could, relishing in the fact that I never had to let go again. We left the church after a short time, and I rode in the Masen car to my new home, where my things had already been moved into Edward's room. As I walked into the foyer of my new home, the day's events settled within me, and I kissed Edward deeply, forgetting for a moment, the presence of our parents, as I held his cheeks between my hands, and his own hands cradled my face so gently. He pulled back after a moment, with a light laugh, glancing to our on-looking parents, before looking back to me, adoration evident in his beautiful eyes. Something dawned in his eyes as he looked at me, and he pulled back a little, keeping my hand in his, as he willed me to follow him through to the main room, where there were couches and books and, of course, Edward's piano.

"I have something for you, my wife." The term in his voice sounded like a prayer, a secret whispered in the night, and my heart flipped in my chest. "A wedding gift." I pulled back a little, looking up at him with resignation. I had made no secret of the fact that I did not enjoy receiving gifts.

"You didn't have to get me anything, Edward. You are enough. You will always be enough." He smiled at that, and leaned down a little, giving me a chaste kiss in response, before continuing to lead me.

"You will like this gift. I promise." I remained hesitant, until he led me over to his piano.

Dropping my hand for a moment, he walked behind the grand piano and pulled out a case. My heart leaped when I realised what it was, and he smiled at my reaction, handing the black case towards me. I held it carefully, placing it down on the top of the piano as I wordlessly pulled up the locks and opened the lid, letting out a sharp breath. Inside was the most beautiful violin I had ever seen, with rich mahogany wood, and an elegant shape. I lifted the bow in my hand, relishing the small weight of it in my hands, as my fingers stroked the strings of the violin. Since I was a little girl, I had longed to play the music I had only heard in concert halls, and finally my parents had given in, allowing me lessons, which I took to immediately. I may not have been a graceful dancer, or a beautiful singer, but I could play the violin beautifully, I was told. A year ago, my lessons had stopped, but I had continued to practice until the strings of my violin broke. My parents had been unable to buy me a new one, but now, here was the most beautiful violin I had ever seen and it was a gift for me.

"Edward, it's…" I didn't have the words, and my voice was choked, tears brimming in my eyes at the loving gift. He walked over to stand by my side, an arm around my waist, looking down at me.

"A beautiful gift for the most beautiful woman." From anyone else I would have snorted at the cheesy line, but with the sincerity of his tone and the love in his eyes, it only made me fight a little harder to blink back my tears. "Can I hear you play, my love?" I still couldn't find the words, and so I just nodded, pulling the violin from the case and cradling it gently, as I began to tease the notes from its delicate strings, sweeping the bow back and forwards as melodies danced from the instrument.

That was how we spent our afternoon, playing our instruments, accompanying each other as the tunes rang through the house, the melody to our love story, and our joy from the day. We were married, and from now until the day I died, I would be in love with Edward Masen. When evening arrived, and the sky began to darken outside, Edward's mother came through from where they had been preparing the dining room, telling us that our dinner was ready. In celebration, our families would be eating together, toasting to the union, and I carefully put the violin back in its case, before walking through to the dining room, my hand in my husband's, and sitting down. Before we started to eat, Edward stood from his seat, tapping his glass with his knife for a moment to signal that he would make a speech, and I looked up to him in surprise. Our parents looked to him as well, and he smiled, placing his hand on my shoulder. "I would like to take a moment to toast to my beautiful bride. You are truly the love of my life, Isabella, and I am so excited to start our lives together." He sat again, and tapped his glass against mine. I was so enraptured that I wasn't even embarrassed by the attention his words had brought to me, as I sipped from my glass. The dinner was lovely, discussing our plans for the future, and Edward's mother described the alterations she had made to Edward's room, so that it was fit for a lady as well. That brought a blush to my cheeks, at the mention of mine and Edward's shared quarters, but his mother brushed past it quite quickly, putting me at ease, and I smiled, reminded of how much I loved the family I had just joined.

Halfway through the meal there was a knock on the door, and Edward's mother stood to answer it, but Edward stopped her, smiling. "It is likely just the delivery of the wedding gifts, mother. I will get it." He gave me his crooked smile as he walked from the room, and I looked after him, smiling also, before I was pulled back into the conversation. A few minutes later, Edward had not returned and there was a gnawing feeling in my stomach, so I stood from my seat, smoothing the skirts of the wedding dress that I was still wearing.

"I am going to see what is keeping Edward." They nodded before resuming their conversation, and I walked from the room, my pace quickening. When I reached the front door, I found it standing open, but Edward was not there. My heart quickened and my steps hurried, as I walked out of the front door, squinting in the dark to see if I could locate him. There was no movement however, and I grew anxious. "Edward," I called out into the night, begging him to emerge, and return to the dinner party. What was going on? I walked across the stone patio, turning left and making my way around the extensive grounds, desperate to find my husband. He was worrying me. As I called out his name for a second time, I heard a faint groan, and I ran towards the direction of the noise, tripping in my heels, so I yanked them off. That was when I saw him. There, collapsed on the patio, a small pool of blood around him, was Edward.

I let out a short scream at the sight of him and rushed to his side, placing my hands on his face, trying to make him look at me. His green eyes looked up to me, and they seemed to fill with relief at the sight of my face. "Someone help! Please! Someone help!" I screamed, desperate for someone to come and tell me this would all be alright. I returned my attention to Edward, my eyes moving to the stains of blood covering his white shirt, visible even in the dark night, and I pulled him into my lap slightly, cradling his body in my arms. There were rushed footsteps, but I didn't look up to see who it was, not turning my eyes from Edward's gaze. "Get a doctor. Please, get a doctor!" I cried to whoever was there, placing my hand on Edward's cheek. "What happened? What happened to you?" I cried, tears pouring from my eyes. "Please, Edward, just hold on. Help is coming. Please, hold on to me!" I begged, crying more as I looked at him. The life seemed to be draining from his exhausted body, but he lifted his arm enough to place his thumb on my cheek, brushing away my tears.

"My Bella, don't cry, my Isabella." His voice broke on the words, and I held his hand to my face, melting into his touch. It would be okay, as long as we were together, it would be okay. There were noises around me, but I ignored them all, my eyes fixed on my husband. He would be okay, it would be okay. I told him as much, and he let out a small laugh, that sounded pained, but his eyes were sincere when he responded. "I know, my love." It felt like forever, as I held him in my arms, but his eyes began to flutter shut, and the panic in my chest doubled, as I placed my hand on his cheek.

"Edward, stay with me," I begged, my tears returning, and I pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, making his eyes flutter open for a moment, but they looked heavy. "Please, don't leave me."

"Never." He whispered, his eyes meeting mine once more before his eyelids fluttered shut and they wouldn't open, no matter what I did, or how I called out. He was still alive, because he had to be. He had to be.

Almost an eternity later, the doctor arrived, rushing over to where Edward lay in my arms, and gently pulling him away from my tight grip and into his own arms. I looked to him then, my eyes moving from Edward for the first time since I had found him, to take in the person who would save my Edward. He was handsome, with golden hair, and the kindest golden eyes I had ever seen as he took me in; a bride covered in blood. He could do it, he could do it. I recited the words to myself, but I needed to know, and I grabbed the doctor's sleeve as he moved to lift Edward and take him away to save.

"Please, doctor, you have to save him. Please, do everything you can. He needs to live, he needs to live." I kept my eyes locked with his, hoping he could see the sincerity in my gaze. Hoped he could understand that Edward was the most important person on the Earth to me, and he had to live. The doctor just gave me a solemn nod, before looking down to my husband in his arms and hurrying away. I was vaguely aware of my father lifting me off the floor, out of the pool of Edward's blood. I was led to the main room, where my parents sat down either side of me, and where I remained frozen. Because that is how I would be until my husband had returned to me. His blood was on my hands, and covering the skirts of my once white wedding dress, including the red stains from where I had wiped my hands on the dress. I lost concept of time, though, as the hours dragged. Maybe it was hours, maybe it was days. It felt like an eternity. An eternity until the knock on the door came, and Edward's parents rushed to answer it.

"Dr Cullen, how is he?" I heard Edward's father ask, but the moment I walked into the foyer, I saw the look on his face. It was the look that truly broke me, his eyes moving to mine, pain and sorrow evident in his features. And he shook his head, and I fell apart. I sank to the floor of the foyer, the stained skirts of my wedding dress around me as I screamed. And I lost everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear readers,**

**I love this story, and I was honestly shocked that some of you seem to love it as well. Here is another chapter, and I hope you enjoy it. Please keep sending in reviews, because they give me inspiration and remind me to keep writing. **

**Thanks,**

**FireheartMatilda xx**

**. . .**

There were so many voices, too many voices, but I couldn't hear any of them. Everything in me was focussed on the vampire in front of me, still staring back at me, his eyes so different from the last time I had seen them. The last time I had seen them…when he had died. He had died. The words seemed to reverberate through my body, draining everything I was, and I sunk to my knees, freezing up. I was sure someone said my name, and I could feel hands touching me, but it was like I had been shoved underwater, and I couldn't fight the hand holding me under. This wasn't real, it couldn't be real. He had died, and I had lost him. And yet, he was here. In front of me, his eyes on mine. He was so different, and yet utterly and entirely the same. I had spent my entire existence longing for this, praying to whatever Gods were left, but now it was happening, it felt like someone had torn through my soul. The eternal silence was broken when a face appeared between me and him, a new face taking up my vision. Jasper. His face looked pained, in such agony, and I wondered what it was hurting him, as I stared at him blankly.

"Bella, Bella please. Can you hear me?" I gave a minute nod, the movement feeling awkward and unnatural. I felt the same way I had when I had first been turned, unused to this body. Now it was not me I was unused to, but the world around me. A world with him in it. Waves of calm seemed to push at my skin, trying desperately to get in, and I was so tired. So tired, like I hadn't been in one hundred years. So I let it in. I let the calm tame the violent waves of panic and confusion and grief. And I blinked up at Jasper. He was helping me. Feeling my calm, my acceptance of his help, Jasper wrapped his arms around my still frozen figure and I collapsed into his hold, depending fully on his comforting grip.

We remained there for some time, and I let myself hold Jasper, not thinking about anything but the emotions he was giving me. He made me feel safe, and I knew that as long as I stayed with Jasper, I was safe. He would keep me safe. Until the voice broke through again.

"Isabella?" My panic spiked, and I tensed in Jasper's arms, though he just rubbed my arms, and tamed my emotions once more, until I was controlled enough to speak.

"Not here. Not here." I repeated. I couldn't do this in the foyer of a house I had just walked into, because I knew I would flee. There were more murmured words, and Jasper was helping me up, though not letting go of me, using his arm around my shoulders to guide me through the house. I didn't see it really, keeping my eyes on my feet, allowing Jasper to guide me, until we sat down. I looked up then, examining the space from the sofa where I sat beside Jasper, looking around the large, open living room and the worried faces of the vampires stood around it. Then he was there, taking up my vision again, as he stepped towards me, as though to sit beside me. I didn't mean to, but as I saw him take that step, I cowered back on the couch, away from him, and he froze. I saw such hurt on his face, but it wasn't the face that I knew. It was different, he was different, and I didn't understand anything. Afterwards, he moved to sit in an armchair opposite the couch, his eyes fixed on me, and I stared down at my hands, trying desperately to make sense of any of this. When I looked back up at the room, six pairs of eyes were focussed on me, except Jasper's, who was staring at the same person I was avoiding looking at. I could practically feel the protectiveness pouring off Jasper and I wondered if he was actually emanating it. I didn't understand why Jasper, a vampire I had met only hours before, had taken such a protective role in this situation, but I was grateful for it anyway, grateful to have someone who was grounding me through this, with the calm emotions he continued to push at me. Alice had settled on my other side, and I had the urge to lean into her soft touch, but I pushed it away, wrapping my arms around my middle instead. I didn't know any of these people. Well, I knew one of them… Rose and Emmett looked over at me from the loveseat, curled into each other, as though they were protecting themselves from the emotions in the room. Esme was perched on the side of the armchair, her hand on _his _shoulder, and a familiar looking man stood behind her, looking at me with such concern that I had to look away.

"I don't understand," I whispered, still trying to wrap my head around any of this. I didn't even know what to say first. What to say that would take away the huge hold that had been ripped in my heart.

"You're not the only one." Emmett said from across the room, sounding a little dazed, before he laughed. "So you're telling me that little Eddie actually has gotten some action in his life." He scoffed, but no one joined his laughter and Rosalie hit him so hard I'm sure people all the way down the road could have heard it. Jasper was glaring at him, as was Alice, and Esme looked like she might throw him right out the door. Edward's eyes didn't leave mine, even as Emmett muttered, "Just trying to diffuse the situation." I was grateful for his interruption, if only because it delayed me having to add anything else.

"Maybe we should leave Edward and Bella alone for a moment." Esme said, looking between me and her son, cautiously.

"No!" I blurted out, before I could control myself, and I saw a flash of confusion in everyone's eyes, and hurt in Edward's. I glanced down again, horrified. I hadn't meant to, but I couldn't be with him alone. Not when I still didn't know…still didn't understand. The long silence was broken by the male stood behind Esme speaking, his voice so kind and concerned.

"Why don't you explain everything, Bella?" He offered, and I blanched at the proposal. Of course it was my story they needed to hear, to understand what was going on, but how would it help when I didn't understand anything myself. When I had never said it out loud. Not in all these years had I ever spoken it aloud. Not fully. Not to anyone.

"I don't…I can't…I…" My voice choked off, and I looked down again, my hands shaking a little as I tried to explain. A gentle hand lifted my chin, and I found myself meeting Alice's kind eyes.

"Bella, can you show us?" I frowned a little, and she gave me an encouraging nod. "Your gift," she hinted, and I let out a sharp breath, realising what she was saying. I couldn't say it, but I could show them. I could show them everything that had happened. I turned to the face the middle of the room, focussing on the air between us all and preparing myself to share the hardest part of my existence. I could do this. I had to do this. And so, summoning all the strength I had, I conjured the image.

There it was, hovering in the middle of the room, frozen as I willed it to move, and I willed myself to remember. My gift was never something I had fully understood. At times, it was like the images I created could have been real, had it not been that you couldn't touch them. At others, it was like a hologram, a projected screen in the middle of the room, my images so much smaller than they had been. That was what I created now, a miniature version of my memories. And I let them come. I watched the images come and go: Edward and I dancing; the first time I heard him play the piano; when he would sneak under my window; when he proposed; our wedding. Then it was the dinner. I watched Edward leave the table, and I begged my former self to follow him, to stop him, anything to change what happened. I watch as I finally go to find him, as I collapse beside his body, and then I watch as I beg the doctor to save him, to do anything. The figure of me on the screen is in the foyer now, looking down at her stained dress, waiting, desperate for the answer the doctor will bring. And he does. And the image gutters, before it fades completely.

I gasped a little as I felt the projections stop, and my mind seemed to return to my own body. Never, have I allowed myself to watch those memories. Never, in my years. And now I had done. And I had done it when the object of those memories was sat in the room with me. The room. The vampires. I couldn't bring myself to look at them, to see their reactions. I couldn't bring myself to move. Not until he was there, kneeling before me, his eyes staring up at mine with so many emotions that I couldn't register them. I spoke the only words I knew at that moment.

"You left me." All the air in the room seemed to leave at that moment and I watched the words hit him like a blow, making his perfect features flinch at the truth I had spoken.

"Isabella, please, let me explain." I started to shake my head slowly.

"I don't want to hear how you left me, and the life you've had since then. I don't want anything from you. You are not the man I married." Tears brimmed in his eyes, but they weren't his eyes, not anymore. Gone was the beautiful green eyes I had dreamt about, the ones I had stared into on our wedding day. His eyes were golden now, different. Just like him. He was not the person I had mourned all these years. He was different.

"Why do you say that?" His voice was a whisper but I heard every word, and the music in his voice. It sounded the way he had used to sound when he played piano for me.

"Because he is dead." The statement is blunt, harsh, but as I say it, I realise something else, another memory I would never forget, and I stood from the couch, storming past him to escape to the door. His call stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Bella, please…" The pain in his voice, and the desperation is what stops me, but I squeeze my eyes shut, not moving, even as I feel him come up behind me, standing so close, I knew if I leaned back, I would feel his chest, and I inhale his scent. Everything about him is so different, and yet so the same, and I want nothing more than to collapse into his arms and hold him. But I can't. I shouldn't. My tears can be heard in my voice.

"I refused to believe it. Everyone told me you were gone, but I didn't believe them. I begged them to let me see you, to say goodbye at least. And finally, they agreed. I came to the morgue, and you were there. You were dead." I turn, finding him frozen before me, his expression hollowed out in grief. I knew the expression, because mine had been the same for such a long time. "Your body was hard and cold, and completely still." My hands started to shake at the memory, and I hear others in the room gasp, likely as the apparition of the memory forms beside me, the way it does when I can't control my emotions, but Edward's eyes remain on mine. "I sobbed over you, and I begged you to wake up, and hold me, and tell me it would be ok." I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry. Not again, not here. "That was you." The accusation was clear in my voice. "That was you, and you ignored me as I sobbed and begged and fell apart over you. You ignored me. You left me."

"Isabella, I couldn't…the thirst, it was like nothing I had ever…I would have killed you." I take a step back at the word and I remember how I had been turned, how dead I had felt after the loss of the person I loved most in the world, and the century of grief I had endured.

"You did." With the words that I knew there was no coming back from, I ran from the house, and I sprinted through the woods, ignoring everything except the pain eating away at my soul, until finally, I collapse in my front room, and I break down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is another chapter, I really hope that you like it. I thought I would give you a little bit of Edward's perspective. Please REVIEW because it honestly motivates me to write, and makes my day when I read your feedback. Enjoy :)**

. . .

**Edward**

I could barely process what had just happened. There was no way. No possible way. The Isabella I had loved had died years ago. She had lived her life and she had died. I made sure of that, leaving her to live without me. She could have the life I had been deprived of, and the happy ending we had always dreamed together. A new love, children. She would have it all, because she deserved it. She deserved everything. Carlisle was the only one who knew, and possibly he had informed Esme, but I had never spoken about it again. Not after that first year, when I had been so desperate to go to her, to hold her in my arms, that Carlisle had had to restrain me more times than I could count. I would have killed her. I knew that after the first time. I remember convincing Carlisle it would be okay, only so that he would let her come and see me and I could show her that I was okay. I would have as well. If it hadn't been for her scent. The second she came into the morgue I knew if I moved I would kill her. Without a thought. And so I lay, utterly still, as she sobbed over me. I wanted nothing more than to sit up, to hold and comfort her. But I couldn't, and it was pure torture. After that, I had never gone back. I had refused myself the luxury of checking on her. I didn't deserve that. She should live a full life, without my damned soul. But she hadn't. Because there she was. In my home.

And she was a vampire.

I couldn't understand any of it, even though I had just witnessed it with my own eyes, and I think if I was still human, I would have died from pure shock. But I wasn't human. If I had been, none of this would have come about it the first place. I would have lived my life with the woman I loved and we would have been together. I would not have died. I would not have been forced away.

I didn't realise I had been standing frozen, looking at the spot my Isabella had just disappeared from, not until I felt Carlisle move to my side.

"Son," he spoke, and my knees buckled, sending me to the floor, still staring after my wife. My wife. Carlisle's hand came to rest on my shoulder, and I let out a shaking breath.

"What do I do? What did I do?" I felt someone kneel on my other side, but didn't have the strength to look to see who it was. Every thought was with her.

_This was not your fault, son. You had to leave her. You would have killed her. You know this. You have known this for a century. _Carlisle's thoughts were filled with sympathy, and understanding of my need to sort out my own thoughts. He gave me what he believed were the facts. But it was different than we had always thought. I said as much.

"It's different. She's a vampire. She was killed anyway." I swallowed, and tried to get the next words out. "And she has been alone."

The words brought another realisation to the front of my mind and I blanched at the thought. I need to understand, to sit down with my family and sort this out, but the part of me that wants to do that is battled every step of the way with the need to run after her. To follow her scent, almost identical to how I remembered, and hold her in my arms. To explain, to comfort. I had to.

"You can't." Alice spoke, a command from beside me. So that was who had moved next to me. Her true confidence in her words made me turn my head finally, and I wondered what it was that made her say it. I would have seen if she had had a vision. Her gaze moved to my own, and her gaze was sad, almost, and full of sympathy. My favourite sibling; I could rely on her. She would know what to do. _We should talk. _Alice thought, and I nodded, but she gestured back to the living room. _All of us. _

As I sat back down in the living room, I felt all of the eyes on me, and blocked out the screaming thoughts. Everyone was so confused, their thoughts were painful to listen to, and so I fazed all of them out, trying instead to focus on my own. We sat in silence for a few minutes, until I spoke, my voice shaking with the strain it was taking not to ignore Alice's advice and run after my wife.

"What happened today?" I wanted that first, to understand how, exactly, Isabella had come back into my life. To have some semblance of understanding over this whole situation.

"Really? We find out you're married and you're asking about our day at school?" Emmett asked, incredulously, but Rose repeated her earlier motion of smacking his head, and he quieted, looking slightly put out.

"We met her at lunch." Alice spoke, looking directly at me, and explaining everything in a quiet clear voice, the kind I had not heard my sister used in a long time. "I saw her coming, only that morning, when she decided to come into school, and I got a little excited. I ran and hugged her in front of everyone." Alice admitted a little sheepishly.

"Alice!" Esme admonished, in her usual motherly tone. "She must have been so startled."

"Not as much as you'd think, actually. Eventually, we explained who we were, and she relaxed a little. She's nice. Better than nice. She's perfect." The others raised their eyebrows at Alice's choice of words, and she bit her lip, clearly holding something back, but she was blocking me out of whatever it was. I could only assume that in Alice's opinion, Isabella was 'perfect' for whatever role she would play in our lives. Hurrying along with her story, Alice rushed her words. "We spent the afternoon with her, and then invited her back to meet you all." Her eyes moved back to mine once more, pleading with me. "I didn't see what would happen. Not until Esme called you down." I could hear the apology in her voice, and I gave a stiff nod, still trying to keep up with everything that was going on.

"Edward, perhaps you should explain everything." Esme suggested softly, and I looked up to her, my voice breaking.

"I don't know how. I don't understand. She's a vampire." Carlise placed his hand on my shoulder, and I took strength from his support, trying to order my thoughts. "When I was human, I fell in love. It is the only thing about my human life that I remember now. The love that I felt. For her. My Isabella. On the day that I was turned, we had been married." They looked at me, waiting for further explanation, but I couldn't go into that day. Not now. It hurt too much. "When I went outside, I was attacked. And I was losing blood. But she found me. And she begged Carlisle to protect me. So he did." I remembered the angony of the change. It had been nothing compared to what had happened next. "When I awoke, Carlisle explained. He told me that I was dead. That I couldn't see her. It was too dangerous. It would be better if she believed I was dead. I fought him on it, but he was adamant. Then, my luck changed. She wanted to see me. To check if it was true. I convinced Carlisle I would be okay, that I had the control and could convince her I was dead. I was lying. I thought if I could just see her, I could explain to her. That I could hold her again. All I needed was for him to get her to me. And he did. And I nearly killed her." My words were whispered, my hands shaking. "I could have killed my beautiful, intelligent, talented wife. I could have killed her." I placed a shaking hand over my mouth, closing my eyes, trying to keep control. I needed to get through this. Then I could go to her. I could find a way to make it better. I had to. "After that, I stayed with Carlisle. I decided to leave, and not look back. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from going to her. So I left, and I wanted her to have a long life. A happy life. But I never forgot. I thought she was dead. I thought she was dead. But she was here. A vampire. But here."

When I opened my eyes, and looked to my family for their reactions, I saw their expressions, and wished I had kept my eyes closed. Pity, devastation, concern. I could hardly bear it. So I wouldn't. I had somewhere to be. I couldn't keep her waiting. Not after so long. I would go to her. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind, as Alice spoke her command.

"No!" She looked down at the sofa, but I knew she was talking to me, her face furrowed in concentration. "No, I don't know why but it would be bad." I knew the truth in her words, but it still hurt.

"Alice," I begged, the pain in my voice audible.

"I shall go to her. Someone should stop her leaving." Jasper said, and I snapped my eyes to him. He looked back, his face confused. _Her emotions, brother. They have overwhelmed me. It was like nothing I have ever felt before. I need to make sure she is okay. I just have to. _I gave my brother a nod, and he stood, making to leave the room, when another voice sounded.

"I will go too." There was no explanation from Rosalie, nor any question in the matter, and she stood, following Jasper from the room. I wondered how close my siblings had become with Isabella during the day. I hoped it was enough. Enough for her to stay. I couldn't lose her again. I couldn't bear it.


	5. Chapter 5

**I have received some of the loveliest messages and reviews about this story, and that is why I have come back to this story, that I abandoned for such a long time. I had always planned to continue it, but then other writing projects came up, along with school, and then the holidays, and I never got around to it. But the support I have received on this site has made me fall in love with the story all over again. Here is another chapter, which I know is short, but I hope to upload more very soon. Please review, because it helps me both with ideas and motivation to write. Hope you enjoy xxx**

**. . .**

**Bella**

There were so many emotions, battling each other inside me, as I knelt in my home, staring into the empty space before me. I had been here for what felt like an eternity. Maybe it had been days. Maybe it had been hours. Maybe it had been minutes. Had he already left? Like before, had he left to find a better life? Should I go after him? Did I really want to see him? Could I bear to lose him again? The questions were too much, and I shut down. If I stayed here, making no decisions, nothing had to change. I had been grieving for a century. I didn't know where to go from here. He was alive. He was alive. The love of my life. My human life.

In my frozen state, I didn't hear them come in. I didn't notice their presence until Jasper was kneeling beside me, and Rose was gripping my hands in hers. What were they doing here?

"We came to make sure you didn't leave. To make sure you were okay." Rose responded to the question that I must've spoken aloud. Her words registered slowly, and I couldn't bring my eyes from the spot on the floor to meet her gaze. Everything felt a million times more broken than it had this morning. There had been so many times over the years where I had prayed for him to be alive, and with me, thinking it would fix everything, but now he was alive and it was almost worse, facing the reality of this situation. He had left me and I had been alone, grieving for a man who hadn't loved me enough to stay. Or to bring me with him. I didn't have to face this reality, not if I left. I could find a new life for myself, removed from grief and his ghost. I could leave it all behind. And yet…

"I don't know what to do. I can't move." I could feel the waves of calm jasper was washing over me, but in my frozen state they just seemed to pass me by.

"Bella? Bella, please tell us what to do to help you." Jasper spoke beside me, his voice full of emotion. For someone so apt at dealing with others' emotions, he seemed completely lost. In that way, he was like me.

"He never...I mean, he was always alive, and he left me. I want so badly to run, to leave him behind, the way he left me. I mean there's nothing here for me." There was a silence, and Rose squeezed my hands, bringing my golden eyes to meet her own.

"But?" I breathed out, the mundane gesture grounding me a little, along with my contact with Jasper and Rose.

"But I've loved him and grieved him my whole existence. I don't know how to walk away from him."

The truth was blunt, and it hurt more than I wanted to admit. Did it make me weak? To cling to that image of the man that I had loved, instead of seeing him for who he truly was? I didn't think I wanted to know the answer to that question. Would I truly stay, just because I couldn't bring myself to leave? Which would be the more painful of the two? The questions made me dizzy, going back and forth and back and forth. I forgot the presence of the siblings as I lost myself, deep in thought. Would he even stay around? Maybe it would be easier if he left again? So, I didn't have to make the call.

"Bella?" Jasper started, his tone cautious, and his voice brought me back to reality as I turned my head to look at him. "Bella, please come back with us. Edward should explain."

"Our brother may be an idiot most of the time, but I have never seen him the way he looked just now after you left." Rosalie sounded shocked, almost. Confused still, by everything. But something about their words made me want to believe them. "You should talk to him." I didn't have another choice, another path, beyond staying here on my knees. And so, I stood with them following them out of my house, and into the night.

When we arrived back at the house, I felt the closest to sick I had felt in a hundred years, and every step closer made it worse. Despite my fear and doubt, I wanted to see him again. Just to have him in my view. He was different now, but he was still Edward. The same Edward I had longed for my entire existence. And I wanted to see him. To know it was real, not some illusion I had created for myself. As we emerged from the trees, and into the driveway of the Cullen house, I froze. He was there, just a few metres from me, and I couldn't take my eyes off him. Not as Rosalie and Jasper made their way back into the house. I just stayed where I was, my eyes on his own frozen form as he looked at me. There were so many emotions in his eyes. That was what made me drop his gaze eventually; the weight of the emotions he carried.

"We should talk," I whispered, knowing he would hear me.

"Not here." He said, and my eyes moved to his once more, this time questioning. He still hadn't taken his eyes off me, as he followed up his statement. "If that's all right with you?" I knew he was referring to my insistence we not be left alone before, and I knew if I could blush then I would.

"That's all right with me," I assured him, and I thought I saw something resembling a smile flicker on his face for a moment.

"I know somewhere." He said, sounding reserved, but I stepped towards him. We should talk. Figure this out. There was no one else I could talk to about this. And maybe, just maybe, I might get some answers to the questions that had been circulating in my head since I saw him.

"Lead the way." He stared into my eyes, as though searching for something there, and whatever he was looking for, he must have found because the next moment, he was running past me, back into the forest. And I followed. Because it was all I could do. I followed Edward.


	6. Chapter 6

**With everything that is going on right now, I will probably be updating a lot more, since I am not going to school and have a lot of time at home. I hope that everyone stays safe and looks after themselves and their families. Enjoy this chapter, and please REVIEW!**

**. . .**

The meadow was beautiful, the darkening evening hovering over us, but my eyes remained on Edward's back, where he stood, across the meadow, as though worried he might disappear. Then again, maybe he would. The thoughts that had been flashing through my head at lightning speed before now slowed, as though his very presence grounded me. We stood in silence for a time, but I didn't think about what I was going to say, or how I was going to approach this conversation. I just watched his back, memorising every part of him. If he left again…the thought made my stomach turn over. I couldn't understand my own emotions. I was so mad, and yet the thought of losing him made me sick. I thought I might become dizzy with the confusion, but still I could not find the words. How do you possibly approach that conversation anyway? We were married when we were human, you died and left me behind, and then I died and was alone for one hundred years. A century. I had been alone for a century.

"How?" Just one word, and the one I had known he would ask. How was I here, when he had left me behind in 1918? I swallowed, closing my eyes and lowering my head. It was as good a place to start this conversation as any.

"I tried to find out who killed you. I met a man, well a vampire, called James. He pretended to help me, but he…When he turned me, he tried to get me to come with him, but I ran. I couldn't stay with him. I knew enough about life as a vampire to survive on my own. So I left." When I looked up again, he had turned around, his eyes fixed on me, and I gasped at the sight of his face. He had always been beautiful, the most handsome man I had ever met, even as a human, but becoming a vampire had just amplified this beauty. Only a few hours ago, I had thought I would never see his face again. And now, he was standing in front of me. But he was different. So was I, but every time I noted the differences in his appearance, it only reminded me of all that had happened.

"You never joined a coven?" I knew what he was asking.

"I was alone." Pain crossed his face, and I dropped my gaze. Being here with him, I was still so angry, betrayed, and yet part of me wanted to go to him. To remember what it was like to be held in his arms. But I couldn't. We weren't the humans who had gotten married anymore. Still, I needed to know. "When you left, did you…I mean…" How could I ask the question I was terrified of getting the answer to?

"I would never have chosen to leave you." My eyes snapped to his, and the sincerity there made me want to crumple to the ground. "I swear it. I thought if I stayed, I would have killed you." He ran his hand through his hair, an air of franticness about him. "I nearly did, that day in the morgue. I had planned to tell you, but the moment you walked in, I nearly…I could have…" He dragged a hand over his face, as though in pain, before his eyes turned back to mine, and he took a step closer to me. "I left to protect you. To try to protect you. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had hurt you." I stared at him across the clearing, and some part of me felt relieved. Our love had not meant nothing to him. He had not left for a better life, even if it was what he had found. He had found a family, a loving coven, and I could not help but look at the difference between my own life and his. It had not been entirely alone; I had met vampires along the way, stayed with some of them for a time. But never had I had the sort of family I had met today. Not since I was human. Even then.

"Isabella…"

"Did you know?" I blurted the question out, and glanced away, biting my lip. I hadn't meant to be so abrupt. He didn't answer, so I elaborated. "Did you know I had died? That I had been turned?" My eyes moved to his face once more, and there was something unreadable in his expression.

"I never looked back. I never let myself look back."

We stood in silence, just staring at each other, and I wished Jasper was there to tell me what I was feeling. Everything was happening so fast, too fast, and I couldn't keep up with it all. It was darker now, and I wondered how long we had been in the meadow. The idea that I had to go to school in less than 9 hours wasn't settling. I felt like I was in a different world than I had been in a few hours ago. Then again, as far as I was concerned, a world with Edward in it was an entirely different one to one without him. I had to figure it out, I had to figure it all out, and there was so little time. He could still leave. I could still leave. No, I knew I couldn't do that. Not right now. I couldn't bring myself to run. Still, there was so much anger, so much hurt, it threatened to drown me. The weight of his stare became too much and I dropped his gaze. I didn't hear him move across the clearing, but as I stared at my feet, his own came into my line of vision. Raising my chin, he was close to me, and I wanted to reach out and touch him. Whether to slap him or run my hand through his hair, I hadn't decided. Maybe I shouldn't be mad. He had been trying to protect me. He had told me as much. But still, I knew that if I had seen him hurting, the way that I know he saw me, I would have done anything to make it better. I needed time to think, and if I was going to have that, I had to leave this clearing. But how could I know what he would do once he left? What he was thinking about this whole situation? As far as I knew, I had disrupted the perfect life he had built for himself, and brought only past pain. That was what I was to him. I could see the sorrow in his eyes when he looked at me. It was there now, in the golden eyes that had seemed so unfamiliar at first. But they were still his, the same shape, just a new colour.

"Time." I choked out, and he gave a nearly imperceptible nod. Stepping back, he looked towards me, and then up to the sky, now dark, the moon hovering over us.

"Goodnight, Isabella." He stepped past me, and I spun watching him walk away.

"Promise me something?" I whispered, but he paused, and I know he heard me.

"Anything."

"Don't leave. That's all I ask. Don't run." He paused, and I prayed he would agree, that he would at least stay to see the situation through.

"Will you promise me the same?" His voice sounded like velvet, and I nodded, before noting his back to me.

"Yes." I promised, and with that word, Edward left the clearing, running the way we had come. I let out a breath, unnecessary though it was, and stared at the spot he had just abandoned, before turning and making my way through the forest in the opposite direction.

I hunted on the way home, grateful for the blood sliding down my throat. Hunting felt natural, giving into my vampire nature, but with everything going on, it was a relief to have some sense of normalcy. When I reached the cottage, I closed the door behind me, leaning against it. I felt mentally drained, the closest to tired I had been in a century, and I made my way through the corridor off the front room and towards the bedroom. I had no bed but it was a nice space anyway, and in the closet to the side of the room I now went, pulling out the box that I didn't touch unless I was moving. Now, though, I picked it up, and moved back through to the living room, quickly lighting a fire, and sitting down in front of it. I placed my hand on the lid, and paused. One box shouldn't have so much power over me. I wouldn't let it. I would just open it. Open it. Open it! I took my hand off the lid, and stared down at the box. Was I still so weak that I couldn't look at a photograph from a century ago? Apparently so. Instead, I placed the box back in the closet, and lay down on the couch, staring at the skylight I had installed, so I could watch the sun come up. Tomorrow, I would face everything. For now, I just wanted to watch the stars blink in the sky until morning swept them away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello! I am writing this from ****quarantine, and I hope that everyone is staying safe and at home, if you can. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and maybe a new perspective was exactly what I needed to get back into this story properly. Please REVIEW, because I love hearing what people think, both of my writing and of the plot, and let me know how you find Alice's perspective. Enjoy the chapter!**

. . .

**Alice**

I sat curled on the sofa, staring at my hands, listening out for Rose and Jasper. Edward's head was in his hands, but I didn't have the words to comfort him. I mean, how could I, when until today, I had never even known that Edward had been married? God, he was married. And he had left her behind. I couldn't help the thought as I scanned through everything that had happened, trying to understand, but Edward's moan let me know that he had heard it, and I instantly regretted in, moving forwards to place a hand on his shoulder. He didn't move, and I projected my apology at him through my thoughts.

I longed for Jasper to return, just so I could talk this through with him. I needed him beside me as I struggled to wrap my head around this. I also needed to know he was okay. Bella's emotions, they had hurt him. His gasp when Bella's had sunk to her knees, her pain overtaking her. I could have stopped it. I could have stopped it. I should have seen it. The guilt washed over me, and I curled my knees tighter into my chest. Would she leave now? I prayed she wouldn't. After what I had seen…then again, the future I had seen this morning felt more far away now than I could express. I pushed the images away, knowing that I couldn't allow Edward to see them, but when I looked to where my brother had been sat, he was gone. They were back.

Jasper was at my side almost instantly, and I didn't watch the rest of our family as my eyes moved to his. There was exhaustion in his gaze, that I hadn't seen for so long.

"Our room?" My mate gave an imperceptible nod at the offer, and I stood, rapping my hand in his, walking from the room side by side and upstairs to our bedroom. I closed the door behind me, and turned to where Jasper was sat on the edge of the bed, his head down. I moved and perched beside him, taking his hand in mine and drawing circles absent-mindedly in his palm, staring the photos that filled the wall opposite our bed. Pictures of us, and of our family, of the places we had been, and photographs that Jasper had taken during his photography phase. A jumble of photo frames held the pictures that showed our lives together.

Beside me, Jasper squeezed my hand, and I leaned into him. "Is she staying?" I asked, hearing the concern in my voice. I hated this, I hated not knowing, but Bella's future had been changing constantly since the moment she saw Edward in our house. Jasper paused, then just shook his head slowly.

"I don't know." I closed my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder. We sat for a long time, not talking, just being together, being close. Everyone thought I talked a lot, and I did, but with Jasper, I didn't have to. I would, a lot of the time, but didn't need to. With him, I could be quiet and not need to fill the silence with words. I would let him talk to me, when he wanted to talk to me.

After a while, Jasper let go of my hand and I lifted my head, giving him space as he moved back on the bed, until his back was resting on the headboard, propping him up. Following him, I lay beside him, curling my body into his, knowing exactly the way we fit together, resting my head on his chest. He brought up a hand, stroking my hair gently, his fingers playing with the small spikes. "The emotions, Alice…" He broke off, breathing out, using the mundane, and unnecessary, movement to ground him. I felt him swallowing, and I could feel the exhaustion coming off of him. "I haven't felt anything like it. Not for so long." I tried not to think back to the last time he would have felt any emotions like Bella's, to the painful life he had had before we had met. I hated that he had been hurting for so long. "Our family's usually so happy, and the emotions at school are weaker. They blend together. Even when Rose is mad, or Edward's moody, it's frustrating because I can feel the presence of the emotion, but I don't feel it. It's not like…" His fingers in my hair paused, as he remembered, and I held him tighter. When he spoke again, his voice was raw. "When Bella saw him, I felt her emotions rip through me. The pain and confusion and grief; it was mine as much as hers, and I felt it like a knife in my stomach. It was agony, Ali." I felt tears sting at my eyes for the pain my mate had felt, and for Bella. For the grief she had endured that was so awful it had shaken my husband this way. "I needed her to feel better, not just for her, but for me. I couldn't stand it. I didn't want anything else to hurt her."

"I know," I whispered. I didn't know how to comfort him for pain that wasn't his, but he still had to endure it.

I was almost scared to ask the next question. "Edward?"

"He was blank. It was like the second he saw her, all of his emotions turned off. I couldn't feel anything. Not until the images. Then it was despair and confusion and so much guilt." I hated it, the knowledge that I had caused these emotions. If I had just paid attention, I could have seen, and I could have stopped it. And now, there was so much hurt, so much uncertainty. I shut out the future, changing and conflicting. It didn't help. I felt Jasper's finger under my chin, lifting my head to meet his gaze. "You can't blame yourself, Alice. This isn't your fault." There was such sincerity in his eyes, but just because he believed it, it didn't make it true. I sat up, resting my elbows on my knees, not looking at him anymore.

"Isn't it?" I questioned bitterly. I still felt such guilt, overwhelming me, for Edward's pain, and Bella's pain, and now Jasper's. My mate's arms wrapped around me from behind, his lips at my ear.

"No. I don't think even you could have fought the fate that drew those two together, after a century apart, when both thought the other dead, and they are both in the same small town at the same time. It was meant to happen. Sometimes, Alice, you have to accept that fate is not yours to change, despite the friendship you and the future keep. What would have happened if you had seen it? You could have stopped them meeting today, and then Edward would have seen her in our minds and met her anyway. It is not your fault." I nodded, accepting his words. Jasper, more than anyone, knew what it took to convince me of something. Part of his words caught me, and I turned so I was kneeling, facing him.

"Do you really think they're meant to be together?" Jasper seemed to consider, before nodding slowly.

"Yes, I really do. Or if not, they were meant to meet." I listened into the night, unable to hear the voices of Edward and Bella in the nearby area at all. My brother had not returned, and I wondered if he would return before morning. They had a lot to discuss it seemed. My attention shifted back to my mate.

"Do you think she'll stay?" He frowned, the confidence behind his previous answer having vanished.

"I don't know. But I do know that high school just got a whole lot more interesting." I smiled, and settled into my mate's embrace once more, as we lay through the night. I couldn't help but smile, despite my worries and concerns. The future I had seen – before everything, the future that Bella had been a part of – it had been truly beautiful. If I could only get it back, I would have a new friend. Now, all she had to do was stay.

Jasper and I did not talk much that night. We just lay in each other's arms, as though sleeping, letting the time pass without activity or conversation. His company was enough. Quite some time after Jasper had returned, I heard Edward walk back into the house. Everyone had gone to bed, Esme and Carlisle having hushed conversations about their son, and Rosalie and Emmett doing something that I was tuning out. I waited, listening to his movement through the house, listening to see if he went to his room. He didn't. His footsteps instead led to the living room, and I heard the creak of piano bench as he sat down at it. I waited another minute to see if Esme or Carlisle would go to speak to him. When neither left their room, I stood from the bed, giving jasper a quick kiss before I left. I padded through the house at a human pace, listening as he began to play a piece I had never heard him play before. It soared, and I heard love in the melody, running through all of the notes. Such love, but sorrow too, as his fingers stumbled through the piece. I paused in the doorway, leaning against the wall, watching my favourite sibling, fully immersed in his music. I wondered if he even knew I was there. I wondered what had happened when he had talked to Bella.

The notes broke off, the melody unfinished, and my brother's shoulders hunched over. I was there, on the bench beside him, instantly, and my heart broke slightly at the sobs racking through him.

"Oh Edward," I whispered, and he didn't look up to me, but as my arms went around him, he leaned into my embrace, crying into my chest, hopeless and mournful tears. I kept my arms around him as he cried, staying with him. I would stay with him, and I would make it better. No matter what. This would get better again. If Bella was gone, I would help him find her, or I would help him move on. And if Bella had stayed…

My brother quieted in my arms after a few minutes, and sat up, running his hand over his eyes. He brushed his fingers over the notes of the piano, but he did not play. He just stared down at them. _Edward? _I asked him through my mind, not wanting to interrupt the heavy silence with my words. _Is she staying? _I felt nervous, as he sighed deeply, and swallowed.

"Yes." His voice was quiet, full of pain, but when he spoke again, that pain seemed to have eased slightly, and something like hope crept into his voice. "She made me promise not to run. And I made her promise the same." He laughed under his breath, but there was no humour in the breathy sound. "Like I could leave her again." I smiled at my brother, and I allowed some of the future to creep back into my head. Not all of it, just flashes, enough to know that he would be happy again. I couldn't see Bella, but that didn't mean she wasn't there. But my brother would be happy. He smiled, and I knew he was watching the images run through my mind. When they stopped, he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, and wrapped his arms around me. "Thank you, Alice. Really." I smiled, closing my arms for a moment, before standing, pushing him away good naturedly.

"You should shower before school," I sniffed, and faked a grimace. "You smell of forest." He smiled a little, and I saw enough of his usual grin in his expression to make me smile as I walked from the room. The sun was beginning to come up, and I made my way back upstairs, pausing slightly at the top, to make sure my brother would follow, and go to his room to get ready. Thankfully, his footsteps came just moments after my own had ceased, and I flashed to mine and Jasper's room, smiling when I saw my husband sitting up in bed, a book on his lap, waiting for me. I gave him a contented smile, and moved over towards him. Things would be better now. Some part of me that had been tense, relaxed, and I crawled between my husband's legs, sitting with my back resting on his, his arms coming around me, still holding his book. "Read to me?" I asked, and Jazz just kissed the top of my head before beginning, his beautiful voice soft and steady, and I rested my head on his chest, drifting into my happy place for the time we had before we had to begin getting ready.

As we drove to school, later that morning, I could feel the tension in Emmett's jeep, as the heavy silence weighed upon us. Rosalie and Emmett exchanged a glance that I couldn't read, my eyes flicking over to where my brother sat, staring out of the window. I reached out, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it gently. He gave me a small smile, before returning his gaze to the window. On my other side, Jasper was pushing calm emotions through the car, and I didn't know whether it was because of a conscious effort to do so, or an effect of his own tension. We would see her again today, and for a moment, I longed for things to be as easy as they had been yesterday, when I had bounded up and hugged her. Perhaps it would be. I almost laughed at my own naivety. Things were different, so different. Still, that didn't mean they couldn't be good. Better even. Eventually they would be. Even I was starting to doubt myself though. Then again, most people that knew me weren't in the habit of betting against me. Maybe I shouldn't either.

We pulled into the school parking lot, and I felt eyes turn to us, and the smell of blood drift towards us. It was easier now than it had been once, but that desire still flowed through me. I needed to focus; there were more important things to worry about. We exited the car, Jasper offering his hand to help me down, which I took, despite not needing it, giving my mate a quick kiss on the cheek as I hopped down. We moved away from the car, but froze almost simultaneously as we saw Bella stood opposite us, frozen in place. She was stood beside a kind of old looking baby blue Beatle, wearing a mauve pink denim skirt, with a brown belt and a white t-shirt, with an oversized, dark blue flannel shirt that acted as a jacket, open in the front, and despite everything, some part of me was giving my approval of her outfit, looking cute and vintage. Her eyes were fixed on Edward at first, but they seemed to flick past him to the rest of us, and she bit her lip, a human habit. I waited to see if she or Edward would approach each other, but when neither moved, I longed to approach her, taking a step towards her. As she registered my step, she took a step back, as though it was a reflexive response, looking like a deer that had been spooked. Pausing a moment, she pulled up her cream tote bag, and hurried towards the school at a quick human pace, locking her car over her shoulder, and leaving us behind in the car park. We paused for a moment, but we were getting looks, stood too still in the car park, and I moved to Rosalie's side, linking my arm through hers, and walking towards the school. After a few steps, the boys began to follow, and I heard Emmett clap Edward on the back. Let the strangest day in Forks High School begin.


	8. Chapter 8

**Here it is, the next chapter! Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing this story, with ideas, and encouragement, because it reminds me just how much I love this community, who is so supportive and kind. Please continue to review and message me about what you think, or what you want to see more of. Hopefully this chapter gives you a little bit of insight into what Bella is thinking and the reasons she is so reluctant to engage with the Cullens after everything she found out. Also, I'm so glad so many of you enjoyed Alice's POV, so if you feel like hearing from any of the other characters just let me know. Sorry for the ramble, and I hope you enjoy :)**

. . .

**Bella**

Seeing them that morning had spooked me. Or rather, the urge to go over, and laugh with Alice and Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper, and pretend everything was normal had spooked me. I don't know how long I had stared at Edward for. He looked gorgeous, even just wearing jeans and a plain white top. Had I noticed last night his beauty? Becoming a vampire had amplified all the good looks he had had before, making him overwhelmingly handsome; I was surprised the students here could contain themselves. The though made me shake my head. What was I doing? I couldn't think about him this way. Yes, we had been married. But that was a century ago. Since then, he had died, I had died, and we had spent over a century apart. We were different, and although human Edward and human Bella were in love, we were not those people anymore. There was no way that he could love me like this, when he was the way he was. He had left. He said it was to protect me, but it did not change the fact that he had lived an entire life without me. A life he had been happy with before I had interrupted. It was better for everyone if I stayed away. Those were the words that I repeated to myself as I made my way to Politics.

The teacher directed me to a seat near the back, and as I got out my notebook and a pen, more for appearances than anything, another girl with light brown curly hair and a big smile, walked over to sit beside me. Getting out her stuff, she kept her attention on me.

"Hi, I'm Jessica."

"I'm…"

"Bella! I know," she interrupted, and I gave a small smile at her enthusiasm, ducking my head a little. "I've heard all about you." I frowned a little, since I could only imagine what had been said about me. Although, technically, if I paid enough attention, I could also hear exactly what was said about me.

"I've only been here a day." She waved my comment off.

"News travels fast around here. So, what's up with you and the Cullens?" Had my heart been beating, I'm sure it would have faltered at the comment, and I schooled my face into confusion, frowning slightly.

"Nothing. Why?" Jessica finally stopped unpacking her things, and looked about as the teacher walked in. This didn't seem to deter her gossiping though.

"Well, I heard that you sat with them at lunch yesterday, and chatted to Alice in Chemistry and chatted to Rosalie and Emmett in Gym." Her whispers didn't falter, even as the teacher began talking, and though I longed for her to shut up, I could tell the lesson wasn't going to be very engaging anyway. It was unfortunate, since I usually found politics very interesting, especially since it wasn't something I had learned before, when the content focussed on current affairs.

"Is sitting with them at lunch a crime or something?" I asked Jessica, wishing she'd drop the topic. She was interesting, with her upfront way of approaching things, better than the ones who whispered behind my backs, not knowing I could hear them, but thinking about the Cullens made my brain hurt.

"It's unusual, is all. They don't really interact with people." I fought a laugh, knowing exactly why they didn't make friends with the humans who were effectively a walking meal. "Did you already know them or something?" My heart clenched, but I just shook my head, shrugging a bit, showing her I didn't see why this was so strange.

"They seem nice," I commented, casually. Jessica seemed disappointed by my lack of gossip, and so she changed tactics.

"I suppose you'll be meeting Edward today, then." She looked to the board, actually taking a few notes, and I decided to start doing the same, trying to tune into the dull drone of the teacher's voice. I didn't respond to her comment, and after a moment, she continued. "He's their brother. He wasn't in last week. Something about visiting a relative." She said it all casually, as though she was just making conversation, but I could practically feel her eagerness.

"Yes, I think Alice mentioned him," I said, keeping my eyes on the board, determined not to let my voice falter. The teacher asked Jessica a question, which she answered confidently, and I was impressed, since she had spent the entire lesson chatting to me. After that, we didn't speak much, but at the end of the lesson, she gave me a wide smile.

"If you want to sit with us at lunch today, that would be cool. See you later, Bella!" She said, and breezed out of the room, linking arms with another girl, who she began chatting to enthusiastically. I was surprised it wasn't about me, but Jessica seemed content to gather the gossip for herself, rather than dish it out for other people. Despite her nosiness, I smiled a little as I left Politics, and wondered if I might just take her up on her offer to sit with her at lunch.

As I made my way to French, I heard a group of girls talking, a combination of giggles and hushed voices. I tried to tune them out, but a specific name caught my attention.

"Did you see Edward was back in today?" I wasn't entirely surprise that he was a topic for conversation. After all, he was a vampire; everything about him was made to draw humans in.

"He's been off for almost a week, I'm so glad he's back." The girl speaking souded like someone in love rather than someone who had stared at another person for a couple of hours longingly. I knew I should block it out, or listen to something else, but I didn't and their words followed me to French as I maintained my focus on their voices.

"I heard a rumour that he was visiting some girlfriend who lives in Alaska," one of the girls suggested, and there were various gasps of annoyance and hurt amongst the group. It felt like a blow to the chest. Even if what they said hadn't been exactly true, what were the chances of Edward having some gorgeous vampire mate somewhere. Pretty high. This was why I had to keep my distance; I couldn't risk getting hurt because what I already knew to be true was proven to me. He had built a life, a better life and I wasn't a part of it. Even being here was distrupting that life. That was why I would stay away. He didn't need me here. And I didn't need him. I wanted so hard to believe that, that I nearly did. Nearly.

French was tedious, especially since I was fluent in the language, and so writing out verbs that I could do blindfolded wasn't exactly exhilarating. Still, I sat through it, occasionally making notes when the teacher caught my eye. She was testing me throughout the lesson, I could tell, and I forced myself to speak slower, slightly stumbling through the French that was basic conversation. It wouldn't do for her to start asking questions about time I had spent in France. I was guessing saying that I had been a nurse on the front line during the Second World War wasn't exactly the answer she was looking for.

When class was over, I hung back, talking to the teacher about any extra reading I needed to do to catch up, or exercises I could complete. It never hurt to keep my teachers on my side, so that some absences were more easily looked past. I didn't want to admit that I was avoiding bumping into any of the Cullens. After I left French, there were still twenty minutes until our next lesson, and I walked to my locker, swapping my books as slowly as I could, finding anything to do to avoid venturing to the cafeteria, where I might see them again. Once I had done that, I walked to History, knocking and discussing the same thing with him as I had with the French teacher, jotting down, pointlessly, the names of several texts he had directed me to. That was my next class, and the teacher showed me my seat, and let me set up for the lesson, allowing me to stay hidden for the remainder of break. I was relieved to have avoided them and was wondering if it would be possible to do all day when the bell rang, and Jasper Cullen walked into History, heading straight for me.

I clenched my jaw as I saw him, closing my eyes for a moment, wishing that when I opened them again, he wouldn't be there. The effect was the opposite; when my eyes opened, he was sat in the seat beside mine.

"Bella." He greeted me, nodding slightly, and I looked straight ahead to the teacher, watching him write the title on the board as more students filed in. I recognised Jessica from politics that morning, and she smiled at me, her eyes flicking between Jasper and I, before she sat down, at a desk on the opposite side of the classroom, her gaze still on the pair of us. I didn't say anything to the man beside me, focussing my attention on anything else. I watched as Angela, the nice girl from the day before, walked in and Jessica waved her over, smiling to her friend and looking pointedly to us. Angela sat down, looking between us and her friend.

"Leave it, Jess," she said, shaking her head, smiling a little at her friend, and beside her Jessica began to talk, but I droned out the voice, focussing my attention back on the teacher. It was then that Jasper spoke beside me.

"You're staying?" He asked, but it sounded like he already knew the answer. This was just a confirmation.

"I have nowhere else to go," I uttered the only truth I was really sure of now. I hadn't even planned what I would do after my time here was up, let alone prepared for early departure. "I don't know how to…" I lost the words, but it didn't matter. Jasper already knew them, because they were the same words I had said the night before. I didn't know how to walk away. And I wished that I did. It would hurt a lot less.

"Your arrival created quite the commotion at the Cullen household." I immediately felt guilty for all the drama this had created. I mean, I would never have gone with them if I had known what would happen.

"I swear, I don't mean your family any harm. I will stay out of your way from now on. It'll be like I'm not even here." I didn't look at him as I said any of this, but I saw him frown slightly out of the corner of my eye.

"Bella, I didn't mean it like that."

"Really, Jasper, it's fine. I take no offence." I offered, and I hoped he knew I meant it. I was only doing what was best for everyone by staying away.

"I only meant that things tend to be the same in our house, with our well rehearsed routines and roles. You changed things." He paused. "Not in a bad way." He sounded genuine, and I could feel him projecting his sincerity, but I just kept my eyes on the teacher, making a note of an assignment he was talking about.

"Not in a good way." Jasper paused again, seeming to hesitate, as though wondering how much he should say.

"Not in as bad a way as you might think," he observed, but his voice was lowered, enough so that any other nosy vampires around the school wouldn't be able to hear him.

The teacher interrupted our conversation, not that he could hear what we were saying, since our volume was too low for human ears, but simply to ask how far I had gotten in studying the Second World War in my previous school. I assured him that I was up to date, and felt Jasper smirk beside me. If he wanted an essay of the impact of war, I could just submit my diary entries over the relevant years. I smiled at my own thought, looking at my desk, and was grateful when the teacher returned to the content of the lesson, as many of the stares that had turned to me returned to the board. "Interesting," Jasper murmured beside me, and I frowned a little at whatever observation he had made.

"What?" I asked, and he looked at me, smiling a little, as though I was a historical artefact that he found interesting. Then he shrugged slightly, and turned back to the teacher.

"I've never met a self conscious vampire before." I knew if I could I would have blushed at having that part of my personality pointed out, and frowned a little deeper.

"I don't like attention. I never have."

Jasper didn't say anything else for a while, and I found the courage to ask the question I had been really wondering about. Well, one of them, anyway. "Why did you help me? Last night, when I saw…him, you helped me. Why?" He seemed to consider the question before responding, looking at me.

"Well," he started, "I could feel your pain and I didn't like it. I am aware of everyone's emotions, but they have to be especially strong for me to feel them the way I did yours. The pain, and confusion, and grief…" I flinched at the description, and he seemed to note it. "Sorry." I shook my head at his apology. It was unnecessary when it was me who couldn't come to terms with her own feelings. He waited a moment before continuing. "I don't think anyone should feel like that. And so, I tried to help."

"Thank you," I said, after a moment.

"And, believe it or not, I liked you. I mean, I do like you." He gave me a small smile, that I returned, and observed how different he was from his small mate, with her big beams and loud personality. Jasper was quieter, but with the same kind soul that his mate showed so openly. Part of me wished that nothing had changed yesterday, and I hated myself for it. How could I regret finding out that my former husband was alive? Only in the way that had I gone home with the Cullens yesterday, and met Carlisle and Esme, and that had been it, perhaps I would be a little closer to finding the family I had longed for since I had died nearly a century ago. But that wasn't how it was. This was Edward's family, his coven, and I had no place sticking my nose in where it wasn't wanted. It would be better for everyone if I stayed away, especially for Edward. And so I would.

Jasper was quiet after that, as was I, and he seemed to be thinking about something, frowning at his paper on which he had made no notes. He got a text about ten minutes after our conversation, and he read it, but didn't respond. After a couple of minutes, though, the phone buzzed again, as though reacting to some response that I wasn't aware of. It continued like this for a short while, but the teacher was none the wiser, and I decided to ignore it. I could ask, but I wouldn't. This would be just one of the ways I would stay away. Avoid contact and conversation. I could do that. The rest of the lesson passed quickly enough, and I tried not to listen to the teacher after that, as he explored the war with the class. Those were memories I really didn't need to relive. As the bell rang, I picked up my things, and was part way down the corridor when Jasper's voice stopped me. "Bella!" He called after me, and I turned, smiling a little at the effort he went to to keep up appearances, since he could have whispered the name and I still would have heard him and turned. "Look," he said, sounding conflicted about what exactly to say to me, although it seemed like he wanted to say something. "You can still…I mean, even with…"

"Jasper," I interrupted, shaking my head. He didn't have to try to say anything to make this better. He nodded, and I turned to walk away.

"You don't have to avoid us all." He said, and I paused, but didn't look back to him. I waited a second, to see if there was anything to add, but when he didn't speak, I hurried away down the corridor and towards my next class, my thoughts lingering on Jasper's words. On how they contradicted everything I had been telling myself since last night.

The next lesson passed quickly, and I ran over the conversation Jasper and I had had, wondering about his parting words. He couldn't truly believe that me getting to know any of them would help the situation. Or if he did believe it, then he clearly didn't understand everything that had happened. Besides, even if it would help, to know them, to understand them, so that we could live in such close proximity in the following years, I didn't know if I could bear it. Or if he could. Seeing him this morning, hearing those girls talk about him, I was reliving everything, remembering all the grief our lives together had brought me. Not that our life together had lasted very long. By the time the lesson finished, I was more confused than ever, my brain spiralling through thoughts at a million miles a minute. I made my way to the cafeteria, still engrossed in my own thoughts, so much so that I wasn't listening to the buzz of the school, the voices that normally bombarded me. As I pushed open the door, I kept my head down, and made my way over to the food, not really seeing what I was picking up, just handing over some money, before turning to face the room. My eyes immediately moved to the table of five vampires, only to find all of their gazes locked on me. What was I going to do?


End file.
